Are Your Cats Ready for the Holder of All Secrets?

If not, you should at least inculcate them in the ways of Jesus.

Vega's Wisdom of the Week

The thing you'll notice.
For the rest of your life.
Is that, oh, about four years after you do any given thing....
You realize it was a stupid thing to do.

Blarg

By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
Open, locks,
Whoever knocks!

Silly Rabbit...

Isn't that sweet; he thinks that D'ourdin and Silversmith are dead.


Chuckle.

Giggle

Cackle.

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Impale America Now!!!

Matt points us to a flagrant abuse of the rights of undead Americans:

Self-described vampire and Minnesota gubernatorial candidate Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey has been arrested on Indiana charges of stalking and escape.

Sharkey is wanted in Indianapolis on the charges on which bond has been set at $100,000, the Princeton (Minn.) Union-Eagle reported.

Princeton police said their search discovered the May 2005 warrants that led to Sharkey's arrest Monday.

Sharkey, 41, a native of Elizabethtown, N.J., has lived in Princeton since October.

Sharkey gained the limelight earlier this month with his Friday the 13th announcement of his candidacy for Minnesota governor under the Vampires, Witches and Pagans Party banner.

Among his proposals was one that would use impalement to execute murderers, rapists and terrorists.

"As governor," Sharkey said, "terrorists and criminals will live in fear of me, while the people of this state will be able to live fear free."

Specifics of the Indiana charges against Sharkey were not known immediately.

This is how it goes.

America's living political establishment, unwilling to compete with undead candidates willing to speak hard truths about impalement, have decided to use the "law" to quash a perfectly legitimate challenge to their domination. On the one hand, I have to respect this; it's evil, after all. On the other, I cannot stand by while by undead brethren are treated with such contempt.

Free the Impaler now. Either that, or impale him. There is no middle ground. In Raoul Vega's America, everyone will either be free or impaled. Got to put together some campaign posters....

On the other hand, I like the cut of this guy's jib.

Logical Leap

Heh.

Images...

Evil Meme of Seven

From Matt.

Seven Things to Do Before the End of Times: (as a non-living American, "death" has no more meaning for me)

1. Conquer and rule world
2. Bring on End of Times
3. Visit Eurodisney
4. Write the Great Undead American Novel
5. Unleash zombie horde
6. Have dinner with George Clooney
7. Eat four Hardee's Monster Thick Burgers in one sitting

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1. Abide puppies
2. Drink...wine
3. Endure that prattling Jonah Goldberg
4. See the point of Canada's existence
5. Watch a full episode of Will and Grace
6. Forgive an insult
7. Amputate just one limb

Seven Things I Say Most Often:


1. BWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
2. Rise, Lord Cheney.
3. Pit me an olive, boy.
4. It's nice, but can I get it in evil?
5. Whatever happened to the plague? We need more plagues.
6. What asshole has my phylactery?
7. Have the Rolling Stones killed.

Seven Books I Love:

1. The Necromonicon, Mad Arab Abdul Alhazred
2. The Book of Vile Darkness, Baalezbul
3. The World is Flat, Thomas Friedman
4. All the Harry Potter books
5. General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money, John Maynard Keynes
6. The No Spin Zone, Bill O'Reilly
7. Golden Bough, James Frazer

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1. The Third Man
2. Touch of Evil
3. Brokeback Mountain
4. Frailty
5. Bride of Frankenstein
6. Angel Heart
7. Devil's Advocate

Seven Songs I Play Over and Over:

1. Sympathy for the Devil, The Rolling Stones
2. Love Will Keep Us Together, The Captain and Tennile
3. Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap, AC/DC
4. Night on Bald Mountain, Modest Moussorgsky
5. Wallace, The Drive-By Truckers
6. Steal My Sunshine, Len
7. South Side, Moby

Seven Things that Attract Me to Blogging:

1. The immediate and direct access to my adoring public
2. The cloak of anonymity
3. The ability to pass secret messages to my minions under the nose of the FBI
4. Having a place to speak without fear of judgement
5. A most excellent waste of time
6. Endless bandwidth
7. Flame wars

Seven to Join Me:

1. Vincennzo Capelli
2. MHS
3. KateM
4. Kat
5. Elyse
6. Wally

Losers

Heh. These guys are lame.

The Death List

From AEK, Via Mr. Loomis. I promise to make a good faith effort not to kill any of these people personally.

1. Ted Briggs
2. Kirk Douglas
3. Lady Bird Johnson
4. King Michael I
5. Stan Musial
6. Gerald Ford
7. Osama Bin Laden
8. Charlton Heston
9. Bo Yibo
10. Vo Nguyen Giap

A Minion of Evil

Identity obscured.

The Horror

The horror...

Zombies!!!

My heart warms as the pink dots get eaten.

Sick

God, I hate being sick. Sitting around and doing nothing is so boring.

New Favorite

Jaundice James is one of my new favorite bloggers.

No Love for Vega

Once again, I am excluded from the Forbes Fictional Fifteen.

Steps will be taken. Oh, I promise you, steps will be taken.

Under Stalin, the Vodka was Safe

Watch out for the wood alchy:

Thirty-three people in a Siberian region have died after drinking homemade alcohol containing a poisonous substance, the ITAR-Tass news agency reported Wednesday.

The Magadan region's deputy governor, Yuri Muromtsev, said the victims, mostly men between the ages of 45 and 60, died between Oct. 28 and Nov. 6 after being poisoned by methanol, a common industrial substance used as a transportation fuel.

Interfax reported earlier this week that at least 30 people had been poisoned by tainted alcohol and that 25 of them had died, and said four women had been arrested on charges of illegal production and sale of alcohol products.

Thursday Deposed Monarch Blogging

King Michael of Romania seems like one hell of a stand up guy.

"If the people want me to come back, of course, I will come back," he said in 1990. But, he said, "Romanians have had enough suffering imposed on them to have a right to be consulted on their future."

The royal line, however, is under threat.

Michael has no son, and the 1923 Romanian constitution excluded women from the succession to the throne (as well as prohibiting succession rights to the throne from transferring through a woman). In an effort to ensure the continuity of the Hohenzollern claim, Michael issued and published in Bucharest what he called a new Family Law on 30 December 1997 (the 50th anniversary of his deposition), allowing females to succeed. Accordingly, he elevated and confirmed his eldest daughter Margaret as the heir apparent and Crown Princess of Romania. Since under the 1923 constitution the king did not have the power to make laws unilaterally, however, this statement would have been invalid even if Romania was still a monarchy.

Please, contact your local Romanian legislator today, and ask that the Family Law be confirmed. Romania cannot survive without a deposed monarch.

Thursday Deposed Monarch Blogging

Ertugrul Osman V, head of the Ottoman Dynasty, is 93 years old and lives in Manhattan.

Otto von Habsburg, rightful Emperor of Austria, is 82 and lives in Bavaria.

Georg Friedrich Ferdinand, Emperor of Germany and King of Prussia, is 29 and owns a pretty castle in Germany. He is also 146th in line to the English throne.

Mariya Vladimirovna Romanova, 52, claims the throne of Russia, yet splits her time between France and Spain. Her claim, apparently, is contested.

The French throne is claimed by Henri Philippe Pierre Marie d'Orléans, of the Orleans family, and Louis Alphonse, of the Bourbon family. The former is 72, and the latter 31.

The Qing Dynasty has no apparent claimants.

Random Facts About John Milius

Auteur of such films as Conan the Barbarian and Red Dawn. Noted right wing nutcase.

His favourites films are Howard Hawks' Red River, Gillo Pontecorvo's Battle of Algiers, Raoul Walsh's They Died With Their Boots On, John Ford's The Searchers and They Were Expendable, Sam Peckinpah's The Wild Bunch, Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurais, Billy Wilder's Sunset Boulevard, Federico Fellini's La Dolce Vita, John Huston's The Treasure of Sierra Madre, David Lean's Lawrence of Arabia and Orson Welles' Citizen Kane.

The Battle of Algiers is particularly interesting, although not really all that surprising when you think about it.

Wrote "U.S.S. Indianappolis" scene in Jaws (1975).

One of my favorite scenes in all of film.

Is a personal friend of the Coen brothers and was the inspiration for the character of Walter in the The Big Lebowski (1998).

Well known, but fascinating nonetheless.

Milius has recently become productive for the first time since 1997, writing several episodes of "Rome" and producing a film on the life of Romulus Augustus, last Emperor of the western half of the Empire.